It's here. I haven't talked to you in a minute, what is up?
I tried being sexy and I failed. An attempt to appear alluring and demure bombed like cake on my face. When I was sure I'd come off as irresistible, I was repellant. Not because when I attempted these things I somehow tripped into a crowd with drinks and lit cigarettes that could have seriously messed up my man-makeup, or because I was fibbing a bit to get some, and was then found out, having no other option than to walk away swiftly, without another word or try to lie my way out of this lie. No what made sure all these things failed is that I was not being true to myself. I'm not always the best looking dude in a bar (seldom, or hardly, well maybe sometimes... maybe not). I am geeky sometimes about music or television, or whatever. It doesn't matter, because that is how I am. I don't like dressing up much, so what? I can still go out and not have to dress up like a shiny clown and behave cool, and cold to attract someone that likes that I dress like a silly shining clown with a bottomless wallet that is too cool to talk to everybody. I am not shiny. I am a clown sometimes, okay but shiny? shiny? never dude. What I'm trying to say is that every time I try being someone I am not, sooner or later I fail because I have attracted somebody that thought I was someone else because of the initial behavior and appearance. Rightly so. I am goofy sometimes, often, okay all the time. I am goofy all the time, I like laughing and laughing at myself, people should see that right off when they meet me and not the 'serious' me. I dress badly on purpose sometimes, you should laugh at your clothes, I think. Generally, I dress drably, it's just easier and more comfortable and people should know that about me. I don't know how to do a bow tie. More importantly I hope I don't have to wear one anytime soon. Unless it's too pick up a lot of effen money I inherited from a long lost relative fucking jeenkees . I've decided to be myself from the get go, to be happier and just to give me a fighting chance when meeting people and have them meet someone who is being themselves and somewhat relaxed instead of someone trying and worrying about coming off as sexy, alluring, irresistible. Those things are true and real when you attract a person who is attracted to you because of who you are, being relaxed and being yourself. If that means you are being you, when you are silly and approachable in a cheap shirt than that may be what someone finds sexy alluring attractive and irresistible.
If you are sad, and feeling weakened by life do not worry, it has been a good week. Lots going on. If you feel like you're getting hit by all sides and it looks like you might loose it if something doesn't change or things don't slow down. Don't worry take a breather, you always do that don't I keep telling you take a breather, put on your favorite kimono that you love so much and with deep breaths try to calm the fuck down. I don't know if anyone's told you this recently but...tomorrow is another day. Relax. It's not so bad we'll get through this, you'll see. Soon we'll be laughing with moco chinos in hand and looking back and rolling our eyes (teehee)
I FEEL FEISTY. A little angry. I don't know why the anger. I had such a great day. I'll sleep now.
what up my jigglypuffs, I had to post this.
That just happened.
ps all of that is true unless you want to do something about it.