Sunday, May 13, 2012

NOHO Sunday- harmless cool. Melancholic. some Good byes

                           Why did we ever buy those ugly red curtains, anyway?
     Do you leave people behind when you don't want to sort things out any more? Do you do this often? I understand sometimes it's too much too handle so many things in one night. You're sick of hearing about something in particular. I get that way a lot. It's today to tell people that. It's alright to say enough for one night or enough of this topic. Keeping this to yourself may take it's toll. Slowly you started shutting me out. Oh yea, it was a real thing, and painful and embarrassing when it happened. You said I was imagining things, "You're paranoid" you insisted. All the while I missed you so much. I needed you, I was needy for you. Little by little, more and more, we shared less. I saw the rift and any attempt to fix it made me look needier.
    I left the apartment finally. At first, I thought maybe you'll be back and not find me, then what would you do how could you contact me?? "what would you do?" - what would I do? is more like it. I wasn't sure. I couldn't begin to think about it. It was terrible so fucking terrible.  After I got news that you were okay and just weren't calling me because you didn't feel like calling me. I died a little. I feared something had happened to you, and that was why you weren't returning my calls. I called you're folks, yea I can imagine what they must of though. By the time you called and asked to come by for some things I was no longer the same. I couldn't leave until now. I've finally gotten rid of the things you forgot to take and the things I said I had not seen but had hidden 'cause I needed them to remember. I finally put them in a box and took them down to someone who could use them. I never knew people could be so cold hearted. Mean. Shortly after I became a bit like that. Different. It took me a while but I can finally thank you. Thanks for the happiness I experienced with you, unique, and one I missed for so long. Many people don't experience that level of happy. I am a happy person. I don't have to shove it in your face. It just is what it is. I feared that experience had hardened me. After time and some work I realized: I'm better than that. I have nothing to fear, my heart is full of love, different kinds and levels I want good things to happen, not just to me, either. I can move on without that fear and richer because of my experience. I'm happy knowing I could never be as cold as you, never. Having a heart like yours must hurt so much. It is something I would never wish on my fiercest enemy. Goodbye. And good luck.

 harmless cool

Did you know there is a National Park Week?

seating arrangements for dinner. Lake Powell

Breakfast with a view of the lake.





Melancholic. The whole album. big and beautiful.

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